‘Smurf’chester City

Posted on September 9, 2011


Alex Ferguson called them his noisy neighbors. Manchester City with the millions…and millions (WWE fans will get what I was trying there) from the sheikhs have certainly drawn the ire and envy of fans of other teams. I like Manchester United and Aston Villa in the Premier League. So it is natural that I do not like Manchester City. I have never liked City, even before the oil merchants came riding into the city. I didn’t enjoy Joey Barton baring his hienies to the Everton fans (but I liked Eric Cantona’s karate kick) and I didn’t like ‘psycho’ Stuart Pearce almost getting City into Europe by playing David James as a striker and I never liked Bernardo Corradi or Georgios Samaras.

The other day me and me missus watched a movie called ‘The Smurfs’. For those who didn’t bother seeing the movie or the cartoon series (which the movie was based on) – The Smurfs are little blue creatures (3 apples tall) who live in their own Smurf Village. Well, I found the movie annoying and my mind drifted to something else that is blue and annoying. This post is dedicated to all the hardcore Manchester City fans, yes City fans.

1. Hefty Smurf – Nigel de Jong

Wiki: Hefty Smurf has incredible strength and often is seen doing a lot of the heavy work in the village. He also has a tattoo on his arm of a heart with an arrow through it. His favorite activity is lifting weights, and is often the one to kick Brainy out of the village.

Well I don’t know about the tattoo part, but I feel Hefty’s description fits de Jong to the T. He is strong and does lot of the heavy work (read nasty work) on the pitch. And he does have the penchant to kick people, especially opposite team players.

2. Clumsy Smurf – Wayne Bridge

Wiki: Clumsy Smurf is a somewhat dimwitted but amiable Smurf. He is known for his hobby of collecting rocks.

Bridge became amiable to everyone once news came out that John Terry was canoodling with his ex. Bridge has been really clumsy with his defending that Mancini bought Jerome Boateng, Aleksandar Kolarov and Gael Clichy exclusively to keep Bridge away from his team. It is rumored that Bridge, with having nothing else to do, has taken to collecting rocks

3. Greedy Smurf – Kolo Toure

Wiki: Greedy is an exceptionally gluttonous Smurf. He has an exceptional interest in eating cakes and other pastry. Greedy usually cannot seem to help himself, and he is often chased by Baker Smurf for stealing snacks and food.

I was really inclined to confer the title of Greedy to Samir Nasri but then realized that if I went with the money reason, every City player would have to be termed Greedy (not that I’m complaining). Heck every professional football player could be termed Greedy. But I’m sticking to the real Greedy Smurf and I’m sure Kolo Toure would be the best fit. It is stated that Kolo Toure’s unhealthy addiction to pastry made him fat and the poor sod took to some banned substance to slim down and subsequently got himself a 6 month ban

4. Dreamy Smurf – Samir Nasri

Wiki: Dreamy Smurf is always dreaming of other places and other things.

’nuff said.

5. Grouchy Smurf – Carlos Tevez

Wiki: Grouchy Smurf is the misanthropic grouch of the Smurf village. His catchphrase is “I hate (something somebody else mentions)”.

With his claims of hating Manchester Climate, Manchester city (not City), Garry Cook, Manchester restaurants, Roberto Mancini dropping Craig Bellamy, Manchester’s night life (or the lack of it), Carlitos takes the prestigious role of Grouchy. Well, he does look grouchy -right? right??

6. Smurfette – Roberto Mancini 

Because he is just a long blonde haired, little blue bitch

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